ekpenyong.us!

Well, here I am again. Day phase one of the hardest but most effective diet I’ve ever tried. I’m filled with a sense of gladness even as there’s a gnawing in my stomach. My Sister has come to stay with us for a few weeks and has agreed to let us put her through a “boot camp” of sorts. It’s really exciting. Today is the first day so we weighed and measured ourselves which ultimately meant staring the ugly truth in the face. Our gluttony has cost us a dear price….. Self respect, confidence, energy, fashion, joy, and for me even in some ways a bit of the sweetness of marriage. That is far too dear a price to pay for a few moments of pleasure through eating something I think is yummy. The fact is that at this point, I’m not one of those people who can just have a few bites of something and be satisfied till the next holiday. I want a large piece and I want other things too. I know some people who can keep a tight reign on themselves and not waiver beyond 5 pounds. I pray that God would strengthen me to get to that place.
I want to be FREE! I don’t want to be a slave to my appetites. I want to look in the mirror and think “ok, I look good in that outfit” but you reach a point in weight gain that you never feel good in anything you put on and you look at the reflection of your profile as you walk by stores and think, “Wow, I look awful!” and “I don’t even recognize myself”.
By the Grace of a Mighty God, I will overcome. I will find victory in this area.

Wow! It’s been a really long time since I’ve written. Lots of things have happened. I found out I’m expecting our second baby in December, and I’m discovering new things about the little one we already have. It’s so fun to watch her grow and develop. I’m growing personally in character and being a homemaker. Oh, how I need the Lord Jesus to help me be strong enough to make permanent changes to things that are not the best in my life. I’m also watching dear friends and family members go through major changes in their lives. I’ve got a couple of dear friends who are embarking on new parts of this journey called “life” and I’m selfishly finding myself scared for them. Really I think it’s scared for me because though I don’t get to spend lots of time with them, I deeply cherish the time I do get to spend with them and am afraid that God will take them away from here leaving a big whole where that significant friendship now exists. Not that the friendship will end because of geography but just that the time we get to see each other will be more limited because of time and economics of visiting someone away from home. I know that the best response I can have at this point is to pray that they and I will come forth as gold at the end of all this and that we will all lean on Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith. Thank you God.

I’m so grateful for life’s little blessed moments and that I get to cherish them right now instead of being depressed and feeling so covered up that I can’t see straight.
Tonight, our 16 month old daughter demonstrated the grasp of a concept that I had long hoped she would get. It was really a no big deal thing to others but to us it meant she is learning and some of the things we are trying to teach her are getting through.
Another part of the sweetness of the moment lay in seeing the Love of my life who came in a little grumpy/frustrated from the day, brighten up and react with such delight in his daughter. This was truly one of the greater moments in being a wife/mom for me. I’m also so delighted that my daughter is getting to know a sweet relationship with her Daddy. She loves her Dad and I’m so glad she has such a wonderful one. I could not have asked for a better little family. I’m so grateful for these moments and pray that God would grant us more and if He wills, more little ones to have more special moments with. These thoughts are the ones that are the precious whisperings of my heart that can hardly express it’s tender and deep appreciation for such things. I get misty eyed thinking about it.
Thanks God for this time.

Yesterday, my Love and I spoke to a group of singles at church about the issue of Leadership/Submission… This is a scary but good discussion which I feel burdened to walk through with others. It’s scary to me because it’s an issue where many people are divided. People that I respect might disagree with me. And it’s not an easy issue but it’s a very emotional one.
However, I feel before God that this is more than a suggestion but even a key to a not just fulfilling but indeed a successful, exciting, abundant marriage. If those who know and have a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ could get a handle on this, I believe there might be hope to stem the tide of rampant divorce that doesn’t seem to discriminate between those who know Christ and those who do not. This application is not fun but the result is profound.
I’m seeing it’s result first hand and the difference between applying the principals and not is vast. I long for people to be able to grasp both the gravity of the situation and the desire to do things as God has instructed even if it means going against a whole life worth of training and watching examples that don’t ascribe to this plan.
The scary thing to me is how little we are aware of the world’s unwitting impact on us. Me especially.
I just have to say, contrary to the popular culture’s portrayal in many shows on TV, men are not dumb, or always childish, ignorant of how to make everyday life choices. They are not only ruled by their sexual appetites. Because of the way women have lived and raised up many guys, men are very confused about how to live the way God intended. They have no idea how to be that perfect balance of romantic and brave enough to lay down their lives to protect us that we so desparately long for from them. Namely, because many times we’re so busy manipulating and nagging or poking at them to get what we want out of them or making them feel as miserable as we do so in the end, they’ll fulfill our hopes and dreams. Instead of getting the thing our hearts so desparately long for, we disparage the chance of getting it. What an exercise in futility! Only we can’t see it because we’re so busy being hampsters on the deadly wheel.
Praise God that He has set us free from following the patterns established by our flesh and that He has provided a way for us to have an abundant life. Why? Because it brings glory to Him! What a wonderful God that can get glory and pleasure from doing us good. Thanks God… Please give us courage and dilligence to live as you want and not as we want for therein lies a key to an abundant and fulfilling relational life.

AMEN!

Oops, I just realize I did a shift in the last one. The last part of the last sentence should be gratefully living the moments you have given me on this earth.

You know, I like the snow and I like it to be cold enough to wear my favorite thick sweaters, you know the ones that feel like a big hug when you’re wearing them, especially the warm and fuzzy ones. However, I also love the other side of the coin- a sunny day wiht a gentle breeze. Makes me long for a comfy place to sit with plenty of fresh flowers growing around. Today is sunny for another reason…. today is the one of the few days in a really long time that I got to see a glimpse of my energetic happy go lucky excited about life self. I don’t know what brought it about. I’ve been examining a few factors but I’m not sure what the culprit is. Either way it was really exciting! Like when you do something that you really love to do but just haven’t taken time to do it in a long time.
Thanks God for this. I pray that there would be more of these days where I could experience you all over again in the excitement of gratefully living the moments He has given me on this earth.

You know, I’ve read one of my dear friend’s ideas on the usefulness of the blog and am excited. I’m excited because it’s like getting to look into the thoughts of one’s heart. Thoughts that one may not be able to clearly articulate but that can somehow be clearly communicated in this venue. A godly man once said “thoughts disentangle themselves from the mind through the fingertips”. This may not be the exact quote but it’s at least the idea. The thing is that blogging however impersonal is a fun venue to work on communicating things that are on your mind but that you can’t seem to get out of your mouth. Something that I struggle with alot… words frequently seem inadequate.
Also, am hopeful that something that is in my heart might be a blessing or of use or benefit to someone else. Not that I’m “all that” but more that the Lord Jesus Christ is all that and separate from that, I can finally open up with all the details and other things that float around in my head and don’t have to worry about how to make it more concise so I can be heard or how to make it work out logically. This is a place I may just be able to come and “be”. It is both an excercise for me at writing and for thee at reading. I hope it won’t be boring or too much…..

Valetine’s Day….Duty or privilege….
On this day, I’m grateful. Grateful for a whole host of things…. For a loving Heavenly Father that doesn’t leave me to rot in my troubles/weaknesses. Grateful for a wonderful mate who selflessly sacrifices for me. Also, I feel indebted for these things knowing that they are not owed to me and it is God’s work in my life that brings me there.
It’s interesting how different we are from person to person and how differently we view certain things in life. I know that there are those who see this day as a stressful day because they want to communicate love and indeed strive to do so throughout the year so doing it on one day means that to do something that would truly communicate the depth of their love would require the gift of a small island. Wow, what a humbling thought, that someone would love me enough to think things like that and at the same time I think of our Lord who not only wanted to express his love to us but was able to do so through the unconditional gift of His son’s life on the cross. Thank you Lord for your most extravagant gift to me a most undeserving soul.