Wearing Myself Out!

Begin Rant:

Aaaugh!!! I’m done!

Ecclesiastes 12:11
The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails; they are given by one Shepherd. But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.

This is an exciting time as the idea of “doing church” is under scrutiny. What is essential to concept of church? I was really excited to read “Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church” by D.A. Carson. My hope was that maybe I’d be able to talk intelligently to people about what they are looking for in church. But as soon as I read the first sentence, I felt drained. (I can’t even remember the first sentence.) I think I just got tired of it. I got tired of reading and thinking and pondering the issues that the Church faces internally and externally, but coming to no real conclusions. I am also getting tired of church polity and politics. I am tired of striving to gain an understanding of something, and yet personally having no perceptible impact on the people around me. What is the point? What is this all about? Spiritual chess? Holy strategy? I don’t want to examine anything anymore. Can I just know my Savior again? I used to know less but I think I affected people more. Back when I was ignorant (and didn’t know it), I just wanted to learn about Jesus and what He thought as and end in itself. I wanted to live rightly so I could see Him day to day. Now I think I am falling into the desire to win arguments. I think I was growing into one of those people that study to refute people… instead of trying to be like Jesus. Now I’m tired.

End Rant.